When I talk about things that are bothering me, they instantly don’t bother me anymore. Sometimes because I realize how stupid the problem is, and sometimes it’s because in talking about the problems, I find there is a solution. I feel better, and I find the solution to be…well, talking about it.
I don’t like to talk, but when I do, it helps. “I feel like I’m just living” I told my camera yesterday. “I’m not helping anyone” and “I have no drive [to do what I want to do]”. Interestingly enough, I get told by Neighbor that he wants me in a higher position at work because I would be strong in the position, and on top of that, I have inspiration and “drive” to do what I want (write. I haven’t written in forever, other than here). I had a really good idea for a story. Maybe a short story, maybe for no one but myself, but hey, it’s the first time in months that I actually have an idea.
I have so many ideas. And that might be my problem. But, then again, maybe not. I think I’m starting to calm down. I think I’m starting to figure out what I want. I don’t know, nor will I ever, fully, know what I want. I can have an idea and a general direction and even a dream, but what I want is way beyond my comprehension. For now, at least. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a place in life where I will fully know, but I do want things, stuff, this and that and that other thing, you know? I want them because I don’t know what it’s like to have them. And I wonder if one of those things is the thing to have. God is the thing, but, what is the thing that He wants me to have? What is that God-given thing that will shoot me in the direction that He wants me to go? Is it one of the things that I want? I feel more drawn to some more than others. Is it God? I don’t know. I don’t want to put Him aside, but I do want to go after some, if not all, with Him by my side.
“Hey, God, I don’t know if this is what You want me to have. If it’s not, that’s cool, just be with me while I discover the answer. Oh, and be sure to protect me and get me out of it if it’s not what You want me to have, ok? Cool. Thanks God.”
And that is my burst of energy in a short blog post. We shall see where this idea goes.
1. I volunteered at the Nashville Film Festival today (Thursday). This, once again, has inspired me to think about making a “movie” (and by movie, I mean short little thing to put up on YouTube). Mom and I get to see one free movie, but we have yet to decide what it shall be. I’ll let you know never…never? I meant to write “next Friday.”
2. We are volunteering to
seel sell merchandise for Thirst Third Day/Josh Wilson/Colton Dixon today (Friday). So, that should be fun.
3. Speaking of that, I would like to have a website to show off my photography. It’s absolutely nothing special, I just want one place where people can go and look at all that. I’m in the process, although I have restarted it about five times…
Ok, talk to you guys next Friday!