Happy December 1st! Can you believe we’re almost done with the year? It seems like this second half went by super fast.
So, as you can see, I attempted NaNo again (click here to find out what that is). And yes, I did win. But, it was a hard win. This NaNo was quite difficult to complete. It will definitely be one for the history books.
Earlier this year, I started writing a book I titled Dementis (I wrote a short snippet on here a while ago). Later on, I forgot what it meant, so I decided to look it up. Honestly, I have no idea why I titled it that, so it may or may not change.
I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I decided to stop and pick it up again during NaNo. This way, I could do more research, and gather more ideas.
The first day came around, and I wrote a little more than I needed to. Which was good, because it gave me some leeway for the next day…which I skipped (because I could). Little did I know, that may not have been the best idea. But, we all know the end of the story.
I also skipped days six and seven, but I’m not quite sure why. I didn’t catch back up until day eleven, and that was just barely.
Let’s jump ahead to day nineteen. I was ahead, but not by much. I had some back pain, which kind of hindered my attention span when it came to writing. Pain tends to do that sometimes.
The next day, I was off to work, still in pain but at least it was manageable. I was able to walk around, and bend, and lift, and all that fun stuff. But, I ended up skipping writing because of the pain. Oh, so much pain.
Thanksgiving came, and while I was so gung-ho (which I found out is from World War 2, and originally applied to taking part in fighting or warfare) about making dinner, I was pretty much bed ridden. The pain was getting worse, and I had a terrible time walking, rolling over, sitting, anything physical. But, later on that day, I was able to stand for a while and make dinner, so I saw that as a win. I ended up writing some, and I was still ahead.
Friday. Friday was the worst. Along with shooting pain across my back and down my leg, I also had excruciating, paralyzing, muscle spasms. I honestly was not able to move for at least thirty seconds. Doing anything physical was even worse that day, so I stayed in bed. But, I still wrote, just missing my goal.
I thought Friday was the worst, but it didn’t compare to Saturday. It took me ten minutes to maneuver myself out of bed, after I got done crying in pain from both my back and the intense muscle spasms. I had to crawl, which was hard, to get from room to room. But, I had to work. I finally managed to be able to walk, barely. I got to work, but I only lasted three hours. The pain was so bad, and walking was so hard, and I couldn’t bend or lift anything. By this point, I was so out of it. I was out of everything. I couldn’t concentrate on anything except the pain. It was, for lack of a better word, horrible. I didn’t write that day.
Sunday though! Sunday wasn’t too bad. I found a comfortable laying position, and I moved my legs and stretched my back, oh it was wonderful! I jumped out of bed, got dressed, walked around normal, and had a smile on my face. Until, I got to work. The more I stood, but harder it became to stand. I had to lean on the counter all day. I tried sitting down, but all the seats were hard. My mother brought me some cream to relax my muscles, but it didn’t do anything. It was so hard to walk, I didn’t think I was going to make it to the bathroom (which was across the store). I was starting to not even be able to lift my leg to walk. I couldn’t even make it back to the deli. I had to stop and sit down in the eating area, which is where I stayed the rest of the night.
I sat there for at least an hour, at which point I decided to not get paid for doing nothing. So, I told my coworkers and my boss that I was going home. I called my mother and I got up to grab my stuff, but I couldn’t move. I stood in one spot, trying to figure out how to walk without hurting myself. At this point, that wasn’t happening.
When my mother showed up, I stood up to walk out, but I couldn’t. My brain did not communicate to my legs and tell them to move. It was my brain’s way of protecting me from the pain. My coworker put her arm around me, and I put mine around her, and she tried to help me walk out. But it didn’t work, I was still frozen. My body was as numb as my mind.
I finally just put my hand over my face and I cried. Right there in front of everyone. But I didn’t care. I couldn’t move, and that was all that mattered in that moment. My mother came in and got on my other side, and together, they helped me walk out to the car.
“She never cries,” I heard my mother say.
“I know,” my manager said. “And if she’s crying from that much pain, it’s time to go to the doctor.”
I didn’t write that day either.
The next day, I managed to get out of bed and make an appointment for myself with the doctor. As it turns out, I had sciatica. What is sciatica, you ask? Basically, in Sarah’s terms, I pissed off my sciatic nerve (that goes from the lower back down into the butt). It became inflamed, and caused severe pain and debilitating muscle spasms. This is a good website if you want to know more about it. The doctor also told me that, because this happened once, I’m at risk of it happening again. So, there’s that.
Oh yeah, and by the way, don’t cough or sneeze if you have this. I sneezed at the beginning of this, and…it wasn’t pretty. It caused a muscle spasm that made me never want to sneeze, cough, or even breathe again.
The doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory, a muscle relaxer (which I didn’t need, thank you Jesus!), and some back exercises. Oh yeah, and my favorite, a whole week off of work!
After taking the medicine, and getting some rest, I felt immensely and immediately better (ok, so it may have taken a whole day. All that matter is that I was feeling better).
Through all of this, I kept thinking about being behind on NaNo. Yes, that pain may have stopped me from paying attention to what was around me, it may have even debilitated me to the point of not being able to get up and type, but it didn’t stop me from finding a painless position in bed, grabbing my laptop, and writing that way.
On day 28, I added up my words from my laptop and I input them into the NaNo site. And you know what I found out? I was less than five thousand words away from winning. Through all the pain, and crying, and crawling, and fighting, I was so close. I was this close.
On day 30, at 6pm, 3,727 words later, I won. I won with 50,011 words. I. Won. I beat the pain. I beat the heartache (and the backache, and the leg ache). I beat the doubt and discouragement. I beat it. And not by my strength. Oh no, I had no strength. I was weak in all areas, Mentally, physically, emotionally. But spiritually, I kept talking to God. I kept telling Him how I felt, and what I was feeling. How mad I was at Him for letting this happen to me, and how scared I was that it was never going to go away (pain can do some crazy things to your brain).
But, in the end, He gave me a week off of work, relief within a day, and enough time to win NaNo. He gave me confirmation about things I’ve been thinking about, and peace of mind. I’d say He loves me.
I know what you’re thinking. How can a loving father just sit there and watch you suffer?
I think you’re forgetting a crucial piece to this story. I’m stubborn and I didn’t go to the doctor when people told me to. People He put in my path to tell me to go to the doctor.
Well, why didn’t you go to the doctor then?
I didn’t want to spend that money just to have then tell me to rest. Which is essentially what she told me, but she gave me a little more than that.
All in all, it was a treacherous journey that I endured and barely conquered. But I did, and that’s all that matters.
Thank you Jesus! Amen! Hallelujah! And all that jazz.