Five days in, and things are already looking bleak.
The heart doctor’s assistant came in and said that Mom was doing better, so from their standpoint, Mom could go home tomorrow. So, right now, if Mom was perfect across the board, this would be good news. But, she wasn’t. We were still waiting for her sodium to come up.
Spoiler alert: her sodium NEVER CAME UP. It NEVER stabilize. NEVER. The WHOLE month she was there, it was always low. She she could have come home, because, it was never going to get better.
Another doctor came in and said that Mom could go home tomorrow. Ok, good, so we’ve got two doctors on our side.
And then, the case manager had to come in with the best news ever. Mom will not be going home, she has to go straight to rehab. So, even if she is discharged, if there’s no bed open at a rehab center, Mom won’t be leaving.
Oh, have I got another spoiler for you. But this one, I won’t tell you. This one’s a doozy.
On top of her sodium, and not being able to go home because she has to go to rehab, Mom drops the bomb on me that she doesn’t want to go home.
Ok? Four days ago, you didn’t want to be here. Now you don’t want to leave? Why?
Apparently, she didn’t want to come home because of… the cats.
The cats… The cats that we’ve had for five years that you’ve never had a problem with?
I could tell something was happening when she got mad at me for no reason. It was like she forgot how I thought about things.
Sarah processes things differently.
She will not change for you.
The way she argued with me about me asking the questions I did was not like her. I was being myself, and she…wasn’t. I can see that now. But it was so sudden. There really wasn’t any gradual change.
When I came back the next day, I read the journal. Here’s what Mom wrote:
I told some nurses about my breathing but they were very good coming up with what’s going on, so I’m not going to think about it.
It’s hard to talk to you. You don’t seem to respond like I do.
Mom also wrote about a mess she made because she pressed the call button but no one came to check on her. She wasn’t allowed to go to the bathroom without someone helping her, so she just had to go in the bed if no one came. That happened more than you can imagine. That happened every time I wasn’t there. And I got to hear about it the next time I came back.
And this is just the beginning…