We Need To Talk About Mom

November 1st, 2019. The day before Mom went into the hospital, and everything changed.

I know, that sentence sounds cliche, but every did change.

I’ve been feeling antsy and on edge this past week, leading up to November. I blamed the moon as a joke, knowing it was my body and/or brain gearing up for what memories this month will bring back. And I decided, in order to cope, I’d go back to my first love: writing.

I haven’t written anything, and I mean anything, since what, June? I have a lot to catch you up on, and I will, soon. I don’t have a plan for what my blog will look like this month, but I do know what I would like to do.

This month will be a mix of things that happened last year, some journal entries, maybe a sprinkle of things that I’ve gone through since Mom’s been gone. I’m not quite sure yet, I’m just taking it day by day. But I’m ready to write.

Let’s start off with the November 1st, 2019 journal entry (written by Mom).

Apparently I’m so sick I need to be in the hospital according to [name] but yet I am waiting for a call from CVS for medicine.

We did go to the doctors. Finally I’m on antibiotics and an anti viral.

Got blood work back and it shows that God has been there protecting me. My blood work looked good on some of it.

Now [name] is recommending I come into the ER for more blood work and if they don’t like it I will get admitted to the hospital.

I don’t want to stay at the hospital.

I got a call from a nurse on this day, who walked me through what Mom’s blood work said, and what it meant. In short, Mom’s sodium was low, and that was cause for concern, because it is, “key to helping send electrical signals between cells and controlling the amount of fluid on your body.” You’ll see later that the doctors put her on a fluid restriction because she was retaining too much liquid. They also didn’t like her sodium level because confusion sometimes occurs when it’s low.

Little Bit Of Backstory

If you needed to hear the WHOLE story, I’d have to go back many, many years. But, for the time being, I’ll just go back to the beginning of 2019. Mom worked herself so much that she put herself under a lot of stress, which caused her body to react. She had open heart surgery (for her prolapsed heart valve) back in 2007 due to something that happened in 2005/2006. The stress caused the valve and the heart to become weak, so that is where all of these underlying problems came from. Fluid retention, low immune system, trouble breathing, couldn’t walk or stand for long periods of time, leading to not being able to drive as well as she used to. It got to the point where all she could do was lay in bed and roll over sometimes. As she got weaker, she was even unable to go to the bathroom by herself.

I remember sleeping downstairs, under her room, and hearing loud thumps and yells that awoke me and had me running up the stairs, to see her laying on the floor. I didn’t sleep downstairs after about the second time of that happening.

When Mom was still working, I would get up early in the morning, work, come home, get her in the car, drive an hour, and we’d do her jobs. I was basically working from 5:30am to 10pm almost every day. Once she stopped working, I still got up early in the morning, worked, came home, and took care of her. Every day.

I remember one day I came home and Mom couldn’t talk. She couldn’t read, and she couldn’t say the words correctly. I would try to tell her, “Ra-coon,” and she couldn’t understand me. After what seemed like a long time (too long, if you ask me), I got the bright idea to give her some water. After about twenty minutes, she was finally able to understand me, and read some words. I felt bad because “I should have known.” And don’t come at me with, “You didn’t know.” No, I didn’t, and no, I had no way of knowing, but that is something, as a caretaker and her daughter, that I felt in that moment.

Back To The Story

So, the nurse suggested that we go to the hospital for extra blood work. Mom didn’t want to go, but everyone was so concerned, and I said we should just so we would know what else is going on. So of course, she said ok.

And so, the story begins…

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