Why I Want To Quit, But Won’t

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It’s hard feeling alone in a crowded room.

I know, I’ve been feeling like that.

It’s hard watching people reach out and get help, while you reach out and you get nothing but radio silence.

I know, I’ve experienced that a lot lately.

It’s hard when you get so attached to a routine that, when it changes, you can’t seem to find the time to do things you once loved to do.

Yep, I get it.

It’s hard feeling motived to do things when you are not able to, but as soon as you are, all motivation is out the window.

Check that one off for me as well.

How about feeling so spread thin because you have so many interests, but those multiple interests wear you down because you don’t know where to start? Or, you don’t want to start because you know you won’t finish any of them?

*Raises hand*.

Recently, I’ve transitioned from night to day at work. And let me tell you, a night owl working in the day time is not fun. In the past, I’ve gone to work, come home, worked on writing or blogging, or whatever I needed to, then I’ve gone to bed at all hours of the night. That’s been my schedule, and it’s worked for me because that’s when I work best.

Now, when I come home, I have more time during the day to get things done, but I can’t. I’m exhausted. I have no motivation. I have ideas, but no energy. I thrive at night. I’m just glad that I have days off, where I’m able to stay up and get things done I’ve been putting off for three days or so.

You don’t *insert something I don’t do or have here*, you don’t know what exhausted is. I know.

I’ve wanted to quit lately. Quit everything. And I mean everything. Not just because I’ve been tired, but because I’ve been going through the, “Nobody cares” stage. I try to ask for help, but to no avail.

Is it the time of day? Is it the wording of my message? Is it the day itself?

It’s my looks, isn’t it? I’m not hot enough to get attention, is that is?

You think some crazy things when you’re deprived of sleep.

Everyone talks about everyone being so supportive, while I think to myself, The only support I have is my couch that’s keeping me off of the floor.

Not only do I feel alone and exhausted, but I also feel spread thin. I have “so many” things going on right now, that I just can’t quite function properly.

Yeah, I have, like, four things going on in my life, and I don’t have to work on all of them constantly. But, that’s just the way my brain works. I’m always thinking about something.

I want to quit. I just want to quit because I can’t get to everything. I can’t do anything. I can’t even, I tell you!

Can I be honest with you? I won’t quit. Why? Because if I quit, I’d come right back to all of it. Because I love what I do. I love writing. I love creating. I love coming up with ideas. I love the life that I have. And sometimes, I just have to have a good night’s sleep, listen to some good music, and stop for a minute. Stop thinking, stop going, stop wishing I had motivation or ambition. Because that’s where I find it, in the stillness.

I already accomplished two things before writing this post (three, once I finish this). My To-Do list by my computer is still long, but I’ll get to it…sometime.

At the end of the day, you’ll still see me doing my thing, because it’s my thing. And deep down inside, even if I’m having a bad day and I want to quit, I love it. All of it.

4 thoughts on “Why I Want To Quit, But Won’t

  1. Ruth says:

    I’m sorry to hear you feel this way, but I can definitely relate to these feelings. I am ALWAYS thinking about something, and often catch myself wondering “what if I just stopped? What if I just took some of this stuff off of my plate?” Truth is, I know I’d only be bored and start looking for more ways to fill my time!

    It seems like the change of work may have tripped you up a little, and I hope things start to feel better, perhaps if/when you get used to the new routine. Taking time to be still is important – it really helps me when I feel like my brain is too full.

    I’m glad you’re not going to quit, but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in wanting to.

    Liked by 1 person

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