We’re Experiencing Some Early Turbulence

In one week and one day, I turn the big 2-5.  That’s right, I’m almost a quarter of a century old.  What am I doing with my life?

I have a friend who just turned 25 in April, and she always talked about how she wanted to change her life, how she was tired of what she was doing and she wanted to do more.

My mother said the same thing.  People, something happens at 25.  And I am experiencing it a little early.  In fact, it started on the 1st for me.  I started to really think about my life, and what was going on around me, and where I was and what I was doing.  I still am, I don’t know why I’m talking in past tense.

I definitely feel like I’m changing, especially my emotions.  I don’t know if it’s because it’s almost that time of the month, or if I really am becoming someone new.  I’m becoming more emotional.  And I’m not just talking about crying at every little thing (which I find myself doing these days), I’m talking about all of my emotions.  I’m a little little more angry at things.  I’m starting to speak my mind more, and stand up for myself.  It could also have to do with my work environment, where everyone is pretty much sarcastic, rude, blunt, and loud.  Not everyone is all of those things, but you have to posses at least one of those qualities to work there (I’m sarcastic, with a bit of bluntness).

I also want to do things.  I have had a to do list of stuff that I have always wanted to do, but am just too darn lazy to attempt.  Now, I’m starting to slowly but surely pursue these things.  I want to do more with my life than just work in a deli.  I’ll work in the deli, but I want to come to work and be like, “What did I do on my day off?  Oh, I sewed a shirt.  I made string art.  I painted a cool, abstract picture.”  Now mind you, I already go in to work and tell them how I used a chainsaw to cut down a tree stump, or I put up blinds and replaced others, or how I replaced a faucet in my bathroom.  I want there to be more to me than just a handy woman.  I want to be artsy.  I want to learn a new language (or at least enough of one to sound cool).

I want to try new things.  This is not the typical New Years resolution of, “This will be the year of trying new things.”  No, this is more than a resolution.  This is serious.  I need to get out of this slump that I’ve felt all year, and if I’m going to get out of it, I have to actually try to get out of it by doing something I’ve never done before.  Because whatever I’ve been doing, isn’t doing anything.

I’m starting to think about my life.  My future.  I’ve never thought (in-depth) about the future.  Gee, if I want to marry someone, I better get going on my writing career, because they’re not going to marry someone who just works in a deli.  Heck, I won’t let them!  Even if I don’t get married, I’m not happy with just working in a deli.  I hold myself to too high of a standard to let this be it for me.  Heck to the no!

Gosh darn it people, I’ve never been so confused, and so level-headed in my life!  It’s quite exhilarating.

Good night!  Good morning!  Good everything!

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