Constant State Of Rage

My roommate moved out on Monday.  No one thought it was going to last.  I was hoping it was.  They said they felt guilty for leaving their mom.  Oh well.

The person I was supposed to work with on Saturday and Sunday called out.  On both days.  Saturday there were two tournaments, and just one person in the deli.  That would be me.  I wasn’t happy.  I knew they weren’t going to be there.

I stood up for myself against a customer who was telling people not to let me make her food.  Our conversation was more like her dropping the F bomb every other word.  I cried, because the day and the events of the day were very overwhelming, she gave me ten dollars.

I talked to the person who called out on Tuesday.  I wasn’t very happy with them.  No one was.  She quit Tuesday morning.

Wednesday, I called my dad.  The last time I talked to him was January when he was talking about his near death experience, high fever, and passing out because of flu-like symptoms.  I tried calling him back in January, and February, and March, and April, and he never returned my phone calls.  I called him on his birthday, but his phone was disconnected.  I went on Facebook and told two of his friends to tell my dad to call me.

He called me later that day…on his new phone he got two weeks ago.

“Thanks for telling your own daughter that you got a new phone.  It’s not like I’ve tried to call you to make sure you’re not dead.”  His friend was in the background laughing, like my anger was some sort of joke.  My dad’s apology was insincere.

Twenty four years of anger.  All those times he drove by the house and never stopped to see me.  All those times I lived five minutes away from him, and he couldn’t come say hello.  That whole Christmas weekend that he sat in this room, from 11am to 11pm, talking about work and how much he hated his life, and telling us he just needed to get away from the people and the job and the cold…Not once saying, “and to come spend time with you.”

Last time I talked to him, he was talking about dying.  And two weeks ago, he got a new phone.

That’s been my week.  Lot of stuff happened.  I’m worn out.  I’m mentally worn out.  I’m so tired.

And I still have three more days of this.  Oh joy.

Good night!  Good morning!  Good everything!

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