Oh The Things You Think

Back when I was 15/16, I met a guy online.

No, this isn’t going anywhere good.

Anyway, we hit it off really well, and pretty fast.  Actually, I was younger than that.  More like 14/15.  But anyway, we talked all the time.  And when we talked, we talked for hours.

I feel like I should give you some background information.  Uh, my dad wasn’t around, and I liked the attention from a guy, who said all the right things, and we really enjoyed each other’s company.  There, there’s your background info.

(By the way, we’ve never met.  We’ve only video chatted).

Anyway, after some time, he started to tell me that he liked me, and if we lived closer to each other, he’d ask me to be his girlfriend (he lives in WA, I lived in VA).  Honestly, I would have said ‘yes’ at this point (if we lived closer, that is).

He asked me how my day was, how I was, what was going on in my life, and we stayed up for so long just talking.  We would have stayed up all night, had it not been for school.

He would wait for me all day, and stay until I left, and he was everything a naive 16 year old girl would fall for.

For the next six months, his motto was: outer beauty doesn’t matter that much to me, it’s inner beauty that counts.  I’m sure you’re beautiful on the outside, but you are beautiful on the inside.

I now know that this is a load of crap.  And don’t try to make me think otherwise!  Outer beauty is hella important to people! Because we’re shallow and stupid… Well, science says we’re programed that way, but that’s not the point.

He finally asked me for a picture of myself.  Yes, this was back in the day before we flooded the internet with our faces.  Two words: dial-up.

So, I gave him a picture.  And you know what he said when he saw it?  “You’re not that cute, I don’t think I like you anymore.”

After that, he hardly ever talked to me, and when he did, he told me that he didn’t have anything to come on the computer for anymore.

For the next year, I hated guys, especially guys with the same name as him.

Years later, we still talk off and on.  They’re good talks, no lingering hatred or depression.  Just the realization that I may not have this for another few weeks, or months.  Sometimes they last a minute, sometimes an hour.  You just never know with him.

As I write this, the sound of the messenger is ringing with every message he sends me.  One of those rings came with the message, “I might have a girlfriend soon.”

I knew this day was coming.  How would I react?  What would I think?

How about, “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

/Facepalm

Really Sarah?  Really?  REALLY?!

Honestly, I’m happy for him.  Even if I was good enough for him then, I most likely wouldn’t be good enough for him now.  That’s a weird way of wording it, but it’s true.  People change.  I know I have.  Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, and it will continue to work that way.  If it works out, great.  If not, he knows I’m here.

Oh the things you think after so many years.  Oh the things that run through your mind when you see someone in a situation you have been in yourself.  Oh the things you say when someone has something, but you aren’t happy for them.

Take a minute and just sit right there.  Ask yourself ‘why?’

I know this was a long post.  I don’t know if I’ve shared this story with you before.  If I haven’t, good.  If I have, you wouldn’t have read this much, now would you?

Alright, I’m done.  Talk to you guys next week.

Good night!  Good morning!  Good everything!

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