The Real World Is Not For Me

I don’t care for my job.  I get over-stimulated too easily, and if I’m with the wrong person, I don’t act like I know I should: calmly.  There is only one person I can work with (so far).

They know I don’t like to be called the b-word, and yet the other morning, someone didn’t just call me that, but they also had to include, “You deserve it today.”  Being the passive person I am, because I am unable to stand up for myself, I let it go.  But it’s been bothering me since they said that.  I do that too, keep things inside until I rupture and let everything out at once.

And then, they talked about how well they work with the new person.  Like I’m dumb and I don’t see past your, “Well, you and I work well together, but….”  I know what you mean, you don’t have to rub it in my face.  We worked fine together up until this point.

I was told I’m not working with someone else because I “have a problem with them.”  I told the manager that I don’t, but they insisted.  Even that co-worker had an attitude with me.

And apparently, I’m a diva and one of my co-workers is a bad influence on me.

No, I’m just being myself.

What have I done?  I don’t talk bad about people, I don’t gossip, I don’t call other people names.  I get anxiety, overstimulated, and frustrated, but I don’t yell and scream and curse.  I pretty much just keep to myself.

And now, I get sad thinking about going back to work.  I would love to have a job where I can just stay at home, or choose the people I want to be around.  The real world is not made for people like me.

I’ve enjoyed these last three days off.  I haven’t written anything, but I have been getting more information for my murder mystery, so that’s something.

I hope to start it next week, when I have my four days off.

But first, I have to get through Saturday and Sunday.


4 thoughts on “The Real World Is Not For Me

  1. Laura says:

    I’m sorry your having a hard time… but maybe the lack of interaction… is getting to them, and some people think because you’re keeping to yourself it means you don’t like them… people are narcissist… I should know. LOL! Don’t take it personally… but if you do feel they are treating you unfairly why don’t you go talk to HR? They might be able to help… or maybe it’s time to find something better. Take care buddy!


    • sarahtheswan says:

      I laugh and joke with everyone. It’s not like I don’t talk to them, I just keep a lot to myself. I pay lots of attention to them. Everyone treats everyone unfairly there, so I can’t complain. Sadly, it’s normal. And as much as I would love to find something better, there isn’t anything else around here. This job has its ups and downs, but at the end of the day, we tell each other how we feel, and we get past it, and we’re cool again.

      Thank you for your comment :).


  2. Martha says:

    You need to talk about your feelings, and fuck anyone who might get offended. Be it your freind, or your Boss, they need to know what is bothering you, so they can help you, and so you won’t be alone.
    You’re not the only one who feels like this. Remember, killing someone or even yourself is not the answer, talking and listening is.


    • sarahtheswan says:

      No one talks about their feeling there, at least, not TOO the person. And if they do talk to the person, they don’t directly tell the other person how they’re feeling. That’s not the kind of thing you do at a place like this.

      We’re all so afraid, you know? And for me, I don’t know how to stand up for myself. Never have. So when things come up, I either boil over, or become closed off. There is no middle ground. And I talk about what’s bothering, when someone shows that they care what’s bothering me, which is, like, once in the six months I’ve been there. No one cares. And even if I DO tell someone, they are all very quick to gossip and spread my problems around. So really, it’s best to just keep my mouth shut.

      Thank you for your comment :).


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