“I have to write my blog post” I said yesterday (Thursday) around ten o’clock at night in a forgetful tone.
“Is it worth it?” she asked.
I looked at her, puzzled. I tilted my head to the side and said, “Why did you ask it like that?”
She told me that writing my blog was in the front of my mind at all times. She said I didn’t seem to enjoy writing it anymore. She said that I always had something to write about.
Well, I still do. I still come up with ideas every week, whether they be about something going on in my life at the time, or something I saw on Facebook at two o’clock in the morning on Friday.
Mom was kind of right when she said I don’t seem to enjoy writing this. I do enjoy it, I just don’t have any good ideas anymore. This blog started out as me teaching, I guess. Now, it’s just turned into my personal diary that I write publicly. It’s not anything special these days, really. But, I didn’t really know what this blog was about to begin with, when I started. I just kind of write random things. And yes, this does include the mundane, “This past week was boring.” At least I’m writing, and I do end up having some sort of intricate conclusion (intricate might not be the right word). I always seem to end up with some sort of answer to a question that I didn’t know was there.
I know that I have quite a few followers on this blog, but really, I’m writing for myself. You guys are just given the privilege to have a look inside of me. And, I like that. I like allowing people to know a little more about me than other people, people who I see face to face every day. I want people to know things that other people rarely show because, I hope that one day, this might help you deal with someone else. Maybe you won’t use my experiences or thoughts, but maybe just something you’ve learned about yourself by learning about me, another human being.
Mom was kind of right, but, I didn’t know what I was doing to begin with.
This blog has changed, but, so have I. My idea of what I wanted the blog to be about has changed, the direction I wanted it to go in. I knew that by making this my “public diary” would help me this year. This year has started, and has continued to be, different from past years. As I do hope every year will be. And by changing the blog to go in this direction, I knew that it would help me deal with things.
Do I enjoy writing my blog posts? Yes, but I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m not entertaining, or writing something thought-provoking, for you guys. I’m not writing something that makes you go, “Hey, that is making me think. That was pretty bold, or intense, or funny.” And, I’m not. But, I am writing me. I hope this doesn’t sound mean. I do care about what you guys think, I do care about what you’re going to read. But sometimes, I just need to write for me. Sometimes I just need to write down what has happened to me in the week, or what I’ve been thinking about, or my feelings, without “worrying” about what you guys want to read. Because, like I said on the home page of the blog, “I dont’ feel like people who don’t want to get to know me, would be sitting here, reading this.”
So, thank you for sticking with me. I do love the fact that I am writing for people, too. I do love that fact that I can write for me, and know that other people want to read it. I don’t know, is that being self-centered? Liking the fact that people want to read about me?
Anyway, happy Good Friday! And since Easter is Sunday, happy Easter too! Have lots of fun (even if there is snow, if there is still snow up north). I do hope the weather is nice for you.
Have a great day, and I will talk to you guys next Friday!
I love you guys. Thanks again for sticking with me. I seriously don’t think I’d go through the trouble of writing this if I didn’t think I had support. Thanks for being there for me.